(via The Onion)
WASHINGTON—Saying their gel-filled kangaroo-leather palms give him “the control and comfort I need for the perfect swing,” Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia signed a deal Monday with equipment and accessory maker Easton to endorse the company’s new line of gaveling gloves. “When you’re the longest-serving man on the bench, you get to know what works and what doesn’t,” said Scalia, who under the terms of other endorsement contracts has worn Under Armour robes and penned Gatorade dissenting opinions. “Easton gaveling gloves reduce sting, increase grip, and give me the confidence I need to make the tough decisions.” Easton ended its sponsorship of Clarence Thomas following the justice’s 2009 corked-gavel scandal.
“Even the Space-Time continuum cannot stop Judge Scalia from his pursuit of pure judicial originalism - interpreting the Constitution by gleaning the original intent of the drafters!”
Scalia’s originalism only extends far enough to serve his personal beliefs; when it’s inconvenient to accomplishing his objectives he won’t hesitate to just make shit up (See Employment Division v. Smith, 494 U.S. 872 (1990)).
(and yes, it should be “Justice” Scalia).